I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
