can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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