Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
