i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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