God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
