I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
