So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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