I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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