She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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