he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
