if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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