What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
