All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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