I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
