so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
