Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize