Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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