Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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