my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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