I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
