are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it because I queefed?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
