He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
