Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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