my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
