hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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