I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
