why didn't you poke me back
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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