how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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