uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
