Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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