to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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