I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
