Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
