I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
