Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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