Already got asked if we're dating
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
