I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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