i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
