problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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