if i can run in heels then i can drive
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This toilet bowl is my home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
