I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
