Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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