can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
