some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
