What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
