Kiss
Puke
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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