One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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