He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
