More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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