vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
