Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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