I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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