so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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