Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
