You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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