I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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