Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
