your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
