we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
