I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
