I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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