so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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