are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
