We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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