Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
