I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
