Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
