Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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